Feeling overwhelmed happens often in the early days of your divorce. Even though I felt overwhelmed and fearful, I managed not to let them get in the way of my number one priority - providing the nurturing for my daughters. I'm thrilled I had the foresight to make them my most important duty, because when I see them now, I know I was a big part in their success and productivity today and it makes me proud to be their dad. How do you accomplish this ultra important task? The number one very best way is to provide your children with your undivided attention. Oh, I know, it was hard not to be off in la-la land with the boys playing poker and smoking cigars, but when my girls wanted my attention, they were my number one priority and they got my attention.
It was too darn bad if I wanted to step away from parenting and watch the daily news show. I had them; I got a divorce; they were my priority so they got my attention. When a soldier gets a medal like the Bronze Star, we applaud. Because you are called upon in so many brave ways as a single parents, you should get metal awards frequently. When you selflessly set aside your own desires, and you stop what you'd prefer to be doing to focus your complete attention on your child, it's medal time! My kids were such a precious commodity, that the nurturing they needed (and sometimes it seemed to be a relentless, gaping maw) was a privilege to me to provide. I think that parenting is a sacred trust and should be dignified with your full attention.
Stay-at-home moms and dads are the Executive Directors of the souls and minds of our nation's incubators. They are the accomplishers of gargantuan tasks. Well, you might not have the privilege of staying at home. You might have to be out in the work place.
That doesn't mean your kids play second fiddle. Your kids come before anything you might want to do. They must come first, or the bruises of your inattention will show in society. When a plant suffers from inattention, it dies. If you can see how not being attentive can harm your kids, you can make a resolution to provide them with your undivided attention. My Virtual Assistant told me the story of how she accomplished attention with her sons.
They got her complete attention up until the time when they went to bed for the night. After that, it was "her time" and they could no longer make requests of her unless they were ill. It took a while for the "Mommy, I want a drink of water" comments to stop because she just told them "I have given you my entire day. This is my time now.
" It was good for her to set these boundaries. Children blossom just like plants that get full sun, plenty of food and water via your attention. They are worth all the effort it takes. Once your focus becomes "them," your overwhelm, stress and fear from the divorce will all disappear.
Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com
